From Grief to Grace: Starting Anew in Love

Because I had moved on too quickly after the death of my husband and it failed so miserably, I had “sworn off men” until the girls were both grown and out of the house. I did try to date a little when they got into Junior High and High School but I never found a spark with anyone. I am convinced that not finding anyone at first, was nothing more than Divine intervention – God did not have the right person for me yet – my job as a Mom and trying to raise my girls was not done and I needed to be patient.

I had been single for almost 15 years – but never really lived alone since the girls were there. The independence I felt when they moved to their own homes was so different – no worrying about what to make for dinner all the time, no making sure bedtime rituals were on schedule, and everything was right where I left it! I was alone but not lonely at all.

My sister suggested I give the dating sites one more try. I told her, “Unless God drops the man of my dreams in my lap, I don’t want to do that again.” After a little more persuasion, I relented and tried…one more time. I had found a Bible Study group that I loved, so I brought it to them for prayer and decided to be VERY discerning, VERY cautious, and VERY picky. After all…I did not NEED a man, but I did want one IF it was the perfect one. And yes, he would have to be perfect, for all I had been through.

I had specific criteria: First and foremost, a Christian. Not JUST a Christian, but a man with strong faith that actually practiced it. Second, intelligence. Third, he had to live locally – I was never going to move away again, and I did not want someone to have to move here just for me. Those were the top three – nothing else mattered.

The first few people I communicated with would start out OK, but I wasn’t blown away; I almost gave up again. I put it on the back burner for a while but in August 2019 I filtered my search to very narrow parameters and hit ‘Search’, one more time. One man caught my eye – he had a kind face and his name was David. I read his profile, and it was more authentic than any I had ever read. I hoped and prayed it wasn’t “just a line” like so many others. His profile was well-written and we had things in common, so I sent him a message. We wrote back and forth for several weeks. One warm day in late September, we met for drinks at a little bistro close to where I lived. I already knew I wanted to know him more, even before we met – no red flags so far! To me, he was perfect – I couldn’t believe it. We talked for a long time – he had a sense of humor, he was conversational, he was open about his life, and I shared mine. He was a weekend radio DJ and had a voice I could listen to for hours.

One aspect I found intriguing was he had also been widowed but a little “differently.” He had been married 30+ years earlier. The marriage lasted only 4 years when she left him, took their daughter, and moved to California. David’s faith is strong, and he took his vows to her seriously, even if she didn’t. So, he lived his life as a married man, wearing his wedding band and living alone, not dating, until either she came back to him, or death parted them. She never returned to him, and in 2017, she passed away from cancer. David had been single for 27 years. I was absolutely in awe and marveled at his devotion and loyalty. After that first evening, I went over to see Mom and told her I had met the man I was going to marry. No question.

David worked for the post office and his schedule was insane. We saw each other when we could – usually just meeting at his house or mine and watching a movie and talking for hours. Whispers of a pandemic were brewing and our social options were limited. He spent time with my family when he could, and I met a few of his. His only local relative was his dad, but his brother would visit his home at the coast and he had an aunt and a few cousins in the Salem area he is close to. It was amazing to learn all that we had in common. We both loved looking at houses; we even enjoyed designing them on the same drafting software program! We both loved movies, both loved family, and our mutual favorite color is purple. Most of all, we both love the Lord. We started talking about marriage in the early spring of 2020.

Sometimes there really is a “happily ever after.” God brought me a man who loves me, appreciates me, and tells me every day how happy I make him and how much he loves to be married to me. I tell him I am still in complete bewilderment that God dropped the perfect man right in my lap! There really could be no other person more perfect for me – I adore him. He is kind, he is smart, he is well-liked, he loves his family and mine, and he has unwavering faith. We keep our lives very simple – we both enjoy being homebodies and oddly, can’t seem to find anything to argue about. (Yes, really!) To this day, a little over four years of marriage as of this writing, we have yet to have an argument. It’s fabulous!